


The Only Widomauk fic You'll Ever Need

by Midnigtartist



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Misunderstandings, in which Beau and Jester are the shitty little sisters these two deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 09:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17784638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnigtartist/pseuds/Midnigtartist
Summary: In which the Nein finds out.





	The Only Widomauk fic You'll Ever Need

**Author's Note:**

> I hope Laura Baliey is proud of me for this one.

The first indication that something was off, the first thing that spark Jester’s detective intuition, was when Caleb was late coming down for breakfast.

It about ten in the morning and Nott, Beau, Fjord, Caduceus, Yasha and herself are sitting in the common room of the cutest little inn ever, each of them with plate of breakfast in front of them. Nott has two, one for herself and one for Caleb whenever he comes downstairs to join them and Jester can tell that she’s trying really really hard not to eat all of the sausage off of it.

“Where’s Caleb?” she asks, offering Nott some of her bacon, which she happily accepts.

Nott shrugs. “Still sleeping I guess.” she devours the bacon with her ragged teeth. Its really cute.

Jester rest her cheek against her fist. “Did he liiiike, stay up too late doing magic stuff and now he’s sleeping in?”

Caleb is usually up pretty early, if he doesn’t stay up all night bringing Frumpy back. But Frumpkin is nestled comfortably against Nott’s shoulders right now, and as far as Jester knows, nothing bad happened to him yesterday.

“I-I don’t know. I didn’t sleep in our room last night.” Nott says.

That gets a reaction from the whole group, and gives Jester her second clue. Everyone turns to look at her, surprised and curious.

“Why didn’t you sleep in your room last night, Nott?” Jester asks.

“Caleb said he wanted some  _privacy_.” Nott says. The table stares at her. She fidgets under the scrutiny. “What?”

“It’s just - ya know, you two are basically joined at the hip.” Beau says. “Kinda weird he would ask you to fuck off for the night.”

“Caleb and I are very close.” Nott says with a curt nod. “But that doesn’t mean we have to spend every single second together all the time.”

“But ya kinda do.” Beau replies.

Nott huffs, folding spindly little arms over her chest. “Caleb is fully grown adult. He’s entitled to some- some privacy if he wants it. He doesn’t need to be watched at all hours of the day and night.”

“We weren’t meaning to imply that he needs a babysitter.” Fjord interjects. It’s obvious that he’s curious too, that little, adorable crease between his eyebrows. “It’s just- strange that y’all didn’t share a room last night like you usually, that’s all.”

“I bet Caleb was studying his cantrips last night, if you know what I mean.” Jester says, waggling her eyebrows with vigor. Beau snorts, Fjord buries his face in his hands. She leans up and whispers, rather loudly into Caduceus’ ear. “That means he was masturbating.”

“You know, I think I could have guess that one.” the furbolg says.

“Aw- come on Jes. It’s not funny if ya gotta explain it!” Says Beau. She turns her attention back to Nott “Wait, where the hell’d you sleep then? Did you go through our shit?”

“No.” Nott says matter of factly. “I don’t steal from you all— anymore. I stayed with Yasha.”

“Yasha doesn’t have a room though.” Jester points out.

They all turn to look at Yasha, who shrugs. “I’m really big and warm.” she tells them simply.

“Should I send Caleb a message?” Nott asks.

“Why would you send me a message?”

Caleb makes his way down the stairs and over to their table. His hair is tangled and ratty, which is normal, and he’s dressed for the day, coat hanging limply off his shoulders and his scarf loose around his neck. He looks tired, but not like shitty tired. He looks like that type of tired where you’ve just woken up from a really nice nap and you’re not totally awake yet but you feel rested and maybe like you want to go back to sleep. So sleepy maybe. Caleb looks sleepy, but rested. He looks all soft and relaxed. Jester files that away as evidence as well. Caleb never looks relaxed, or even happy most of the time. Now he looks both, even though he’s trying to hid it under his furrowed brow.

Caleb sits himself down at the table. Nott pushes her other plate towards him.

“I saved you some meats” Nott says. “You look like you could use some sausage”

Caleb takes the offered plate. “Danke.” He ruffled her hair a bit and Nott bats his hand away.

“Welcome to the land of the living, man.” Beau says, giving him a once over.

“Oh, ja, guten Morgen.” Caleb nods quickly to the table, and grabs his fork

“You sleep well?” she asks, a crooked grin twitches at the corner of her mouth.

“What- ahh- what is that suppose to mean?”

Beau shrugs “Nothing. Just you never sleep in like that. Late night?”

Caleb make a non committal noise in the back of his throat, not looking up from his food. “Ja, something like that.”

“You did sleep in like, super late this morning Caleb.” Jester adds “We were starting to think that maybe you like  _died_ or something.”

“You get in a fight last night?” Beau asks.

Caleb looks up from where he’s leaned over his plate, shoveling eggs into his mouth. He looks like a little kid with their hand caught in the cookie jar. “,,, No,,” he says slowly. He’s watching Beau now, wary.

Beau looks likes she’s struggling to keep her grin at bay at this point. “Ahh- I only ask because you’ve kinda got bruises on your neck there.” she says, sounding smug.

Caleb’s fork clatters down onto his plate as he rushes to pull his scarf up tight around his throat. But not before Jester catches a glimpse of fresh looking, purple bruises and,  _are those teeth marks??_ , along his neck. Another clue.

The rest of the table is staring at him now to. Caleb watches them watching him, and swallows. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

Then it clicks in her head. Of course. Jester clasps her hands over her chest. “Caleb! Did you -  _herh herh herh_ \- last night??”

Caleb blinks at her. ‘“What is - _herh herh_   _he_ \- oh, you are talking about sex.”

Planting both her hand on the table top, Jester leans over so that she’s as close to Caleb’s face as she can get. She lifts a super suggestive brow at him. “Did you have sex last night, Caleb?”

Immediately his face goes bright red. He locks his gaze past her left ear. “,,,, yes,,,”

The table explodes into a cacophony of noise. Jester shrieks, collapsing back into her seat with her hand pressed over her mouth. She’s the greatest detective ever!! Nott is hollering, Beau has her head thrown back and is cackling. She hears Fjord’s squeek of  _“o o oh sh hi hit_ ”

“Caleb!” Jester coos.

“Get it man!”

“WHO?!”

“Be quite, be quite!” Caleb shouts over them, Jester can’t remember the last time she seen him so scarlet.

“Caleb you had sex last night!” she says, once the others have started to settle down.

“I know, I  _know_ , but you do not have to shout about. The whole inn does not need to know, so can you all  _please_ keep your voices down.” Caleb hisses out between his teeth.

“Congrats man.” Beau slaps a hand down on his shoulder and he jumps. “Who’s the lucky girl- guy?- person? They still around?”

A smile twitches at the corner of Caleb mouth, but only for a moment. Gone so fast that Jester almost misses it. He runs a hand over his beard. “,,, he was still sleeping, upstairs, when I left,,” he admits coyly.

Beau lets out a long, low whistle. “Bought ‘em back to your place and everything. Ya know that’s a big commitment.”

“Is it love Caleb?” Jester asks, leaning her face into her hands. This is just all so romantic and sweet. “Did you let him stay the night because you love him?”

Caleb goes, impossibly, a darker shade of red, Jester’s worried that he might pass out. He stares down at his hands in his lap. “I would not say- love but uhh, you know I do enjoy his company a lot and-”

“Who is this ‘ _Him_ ’ ?” Nott asks pointedly.

“Yeah! Are you gonna introduce us, loverboy?” asks Beau.

“Is it someone that we know?” Asks Jester.

Caleb open his mouth.

“There you all are!” Molly comes bounding down the stairs before Caleb can get a word out, positively beaming ear to ear.

If Caleb looks rested and relaxed, Molly looks totally satisfied.

His hair is sleep mused and tangled around his horns as he strides over to the table, wearing nothing but his patterned pants and a sleepy, half lidded grin. Chest bared for the word to see, Jester counts at least a dozen or more blooming bruises down his neck and chest. He swaggers up to the group, tail swaying lazily behind him.

“Good morning everyone!” He drops a kiss to the back of Yasha’s head, then one to Fjord’s, who sitting next to her. He bats him away and Molly giggles.

“Oh Molly!” Jester says, bouncing in her seat. “Did you have sex last night?”

“I did!” Molly kisses the top of her head to as he makes his way around the table.

“What a coincidence! We’re just talking about how Caleb had sex last night too.”

He kisses Caduceus on the top of the head. “Really? What are the odds? Guess the Moonweaver was smiling down on us last night.” he goes to plant a kiss to Beau’s head. She ducks out of the way, he kisses her cheek instead. “Anybody else get lucky? Or just us two?”

“Just you two I think.” Jester says.

Molly hums. Coming around to Caleb, he lays his hands on his shoulders before leaning down to kiss the crown of his head.

Caleb flushes pink. He brings a hand up to pat Molly’s fingers resting against his shoulder. “Guten Morgen Molly.” he says, softly.

“Mmmm, Morning dear.” he moves on to Nott, who’s no more excited to receive her kiss then Fjord was.

Once he’s gotten everyone, Molly claps his hands together. “Right. Breakfast?”

“We already ate.” Fjord tells him, stiffly. All the talk about sex is probably making him really uncomfortable.  Jester reaches over to pat his hand.   
“It’s almost ten thirty, asshole.” Beau says.

“Right, screw you, first of all.” Molly says, pointing at Beau. “Second, I’m going to go get myself something to eat. Did anybody need anything?” the question is for the table, but he looks right at Caleb when he asks it.

Caleb shrugs, pointing to his half eaten, probably cold by this point, breakfast. Molly nods.

“Right, well- be back in a moment.” and he turns and makes his way over to the bar.

“He’s in a good fuckin mood.” Fjord says. He’s got his arms cross right over his chest.

“Well you know, it seemed like he enjoyed himself last night, so,,”  and Caleb stuffs a forkful of potatoes into his mouth.

Beau’s head whips around towards him, and Jester cocks her head to the side. Fjord blinks

In the silence, Caleb glances up, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand “,,, what?”

“What do you mean ‘ _what_?’” Beau says.

“That was,, fuckin weird, man.” Adds Fjord.

Jester squints at Caleb. “How do you know Molly had a good time last night?”

Caleb looks at each of them in turn, like he’s confused. “,,,, because Mollymauk and I had sex last night.” a deathly silence follows his words. “Was- was that not obvious,,,?”

For the second time that morning, the table  _erupts_.

Jester leaps from her seat, slamming her hands down on the table top “ _CALEB_! You and Molly had sex last night??!”

A resounding clatter rings out from behind the group, the sound of dishware hitting the floor. Jester whips around. Molly is standing at the bar with a mess of broken dishes and spilled breakfast at his feet, staring at them wide eyed and slack jawed. She turns back to Caleb.

He looks started, like a little bunny. His blue eyes are round with surprise. “Ja, we did”

“Like, together?” Beau asks

“Yes?! I don’t understand-?”

Nott leaps up onto her chair. “ _How_?”

Caleb is at a lost. His head is spinning trying to keep up with every individual comment being shouted at him, and he’s absolutely scarlet again. It looks really horrible against his ginger hair. He raises his hands, either in surrender or to try and placate them, Jester’s not sure which. “What do you mean ‘ _how_ ’? You are making a scene.  _Please_ do not shout-”

Jester pushes back from the table, her chair screeching against the hardwood as she pushes it away. She marches over Molly, who’s picking up bits of shattered plate and apologizing profusely to the barkeep. She loops her arm around his and pulls him upright. Swagger gone, he’s flushed a shining magenta high in his cheeks and looks slightly mortified.

“Molly, can you come back to the table now, we need to talk to you.” Jester says, so sweetly, giving him her biggest and best grin.

Molly flounders. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, eyes darting from her face, to the table, then to the broken plate pieces he’s still holding.

“Oi!” the barkeep calls. “Yer devil friend made a mess’a my inn!” she yells.

Jester fixes her with a look. “I know, and he’s like, really really sorry about that but we need to have like, a super important conversation over there with the rest of our friends, so I’m just going to steal him really quick- okay,  _byeeeeeee_.” and she starts dragging a still stunned Mollymauk back over to their table.

Beau stands, allowing Jester to push Molly down into the seat next to Caleb’s. They both look mildly terrified about what’s coming next, eyes darting from face to face as the rest of the Nein closes in on them, namely herself, Beau, and Nott. Jester sits herself back down in her chair on the other side of the table.

“So-” she leans forward on her elbows, flashing the pair of them a toothy smile. “- I want to know exactly what happened. Tell me everything!”

She’s about to crack this case wide open.


End file.
